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Enhance Your Love
Life With Sex Toys |
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Some guys are under the mistaken impression that if a
vibrating penis is thrown into the mix of lovemaking, it means
they're somehow inadequate lovers. This could not be further from
the truth. Sex toys are used to enhance a couples' experience or
for an interesting bedroom experiment, and are not simply limited
to objects that you stick into a variety of orifices.
Sex aids or sex toys devices made to vary or enhance pleasure
during sexual activity. They are used primarily on the genitals or
around the genitals, but some can be used on other parts of the
body as well. People use them when they are on their own or with
partners. On the whole, people who use sex aids do not use them
every single time they engage in sex nor do they always use the
same aid on each occasion.
The list of sex aids is a long one. They are usually sold in
special erotica shops or through mail order catalogues. Some of
the more common ones include the following:
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Vibrators. Vibrators are electrical machines powered by
batteries or plugged into electrical outlets. They come in
different sizes and shapes; some have variable speed controls to
allow the user to personalize the intensity of the stimulation.
The sexual sensations produced by a vibrator can be both intense
and rapidly felt. Vibrators must be used gently on sensitive body
tissue. Some people use a towel between the skin and the vibrator
to cut down on the intensity of the sensation. Using a water-based
lubricant can also make a vibrator more comfortable and
stimulating.
Ben Wa Balls. This device, which originated in the orient,
consists of a set of two metal balls. One is solid and is placed
in the vagina near the cervix; the other one is partially filled
with mercury and is also placed in the vagina, near the first one.
Any movement causes the mercury filled ball to hit the deeper one,
spreading vibrations through the vaginal area. Women primarily use
them on their own, but they can also be incorporated into sexual
activity with a partner.
Cock Rings. A cock ring is a metal, leather, or rubber
ring-shaped device, usually from 1 1/2 to 2 inches in diameter.
The testicles and the erect penis are slipped through the ring,
which fits tightly, putting pressure on the dorsal vein of the
penis. The idea is that the cock ring will keep the blood that has
engorged the penis from flowing out. The man will therefore retain
his erection longer and, theoretically, be able to prolong his
sexual activity. Some men also wear cock rings when they want
their genitals to look larger under their pants. Proper fit is
important so that the penis and testicles do not get bruised.
Caution is needed not to wear the rings too tightly or for an
extended period of time, since they act as a tourniquet limiting
blood flow and can cause severe damage to the genitals.
Erotic Creams, Lotions and Oils. These come in various scents
and flavors and are primarily designed to make caressing and
massage more sensuous, though some are used as lubricants for
intercourse. The sensations and scents of creams, lotions and oils
on the skin can be arousing for some people. The flavor of the
cream or oil is often important for couples who want to have oral
sex or like to kiss their partner's body all over.
French Ticklers. French ticklers are devices that fit over the
penis and are designed to tickle and increase sensation in the
vagina during intercourse. These devices are pre-shaped (unlike
condoms, which come rolled up) and their surfaces are equipped
with ridges and small probes. French ticklers can be reused after
thorough washing. It is important to note that while they fit over
the penis in a fashion similar to condoms, they are NOT birth
control devices
Leather Garments and Accessories. Leather has a distinctly
erotic appeal for some people. It is a common element in
sadomasochistic (S&M) fantasies used to express dominance . Some
people get excited if threatened by someone who is clothed in
leather or who is using leather implements. The dominant person
(sadist) in these scenarios also usually derives pleasure from the
wearing or use of leather. Leather is also used in bondage and
discipline (B&D) in the form of harnesses or straps.
Penis Extenders. A penis extender is a hollow penis-shaped
device that is placed over the end of the penis to make it seem
larger. Usually it is held in place by straps or a harness that
goes around the waist.
The use of sex aids and sex toys is not readily accepted by all.
For the most part sex toys are designed solely to increase
pleasure. Because our society is in conflict over the rightness of
sexual pleasure, it is not surprising that sex toys are subject to
numerous myths and controversies. Some of the more common
misconceptions are: that the use of sexual aids is a sign of being
a pervert; that using sexual devices in a relationship is a sign
that the relationship is not going well; people who use sexual
aids become addicted to them; and homosexuals use sex aids more
that heterosexuals do. None of these are true.
Nonetheless, many people feel ambivalent about using sex aids.
They may feel that using mechanical devices during intimate
moments is unnatural, depersonalizing or replacing their partner.
While these concerns may have merit, it is generally not simply
the use of sex aids that contributes to ill feelings, but how they
are used and what their use means to an individual or to a couple.
If the use of sexual aids objectifies or depersonalizes sexual
experiences, there may be a problem in the relationship that
requires attention. If people are using sexual devices as a crutch
because they feel inadequate or inferior, then their negative
feelings may need to be explored. Under circumstances like these,
the use of sexual devices can be unhealthy substitutes for
interpersonal relationships.
Some couples find that a healthy relationship can comfortably
accommodate the addition of sex toys. Others may find that after
some experimentation they prefer to do without them. Still others
may feel that their sexual value is threatened by the use of sex
aids. An insecure individual may wonder if his or her partner is
using a sex aid because of dissatisfaction with him or her.
These issues and any others that may be raised as a result of
introducing sexual aids may be seen as an opportunity for
individuals and couples to explore their feelings and discover the
problems in their relationships. It is important to consider,
however, that using sex aids is normal and not using sex aids is
normal. It is simply a matter of individual preference.
Although the majority of sex aids and toys are sold to people who
use them just to enhance their pleasure, some can be used in the
treatment of sexual problems. Videos, audiotapes and written
material can be helpful in assisting an individual or a couple to
overcome anxiety or lack of information. Also, sexual devices can
be particularly helpful for some disabled people whose disability
inhibits their sexual expression. In order to improve
communication and intimacy, marital and sex therapists suggest
that couples who have concerns or fears about the use of sex aids
or toys should be encouraged to talk openly with their partner
about their feelings.
 LILY
Pink
This is a contoured massager shaped to fit your body's
curves. The specially adopted silken finish, sensual to the
touch, suggestively puts the user in the mood and invites to
imminent full-body exploration.
PINK /
PLUM /
BLACK
 Pinpoint
Water Missile Massager
This Multi-speed, slender, massager has pinpoint action which
is sure find the right spot to make your lover go wild. In
addition, the massager is also waterproof and operates on 2 AAA
batteries for convenience and action anywhere. (5.5 inches long
and .75 inches wide)
 Ultimate
Rechargeable Vibrator
Five pre-programmed pleasure modes and a virtually
silent vibrator engine provide the basis for a multitude of
enjoyable rubdowns. Her petite frame ensures discrete yet
reassuring company, rechargeable and a 1-hour charge will provide
up to 1.5 hours of bliss.
PINK /
BLUE
The Truth is
Out There
Lies, myths and misconceptions about sex toys abound. Needless
to say, most of them aren't true. However, you should always treat
your lover's concerns seriously—especially when it comes to sex.
When introducing sex toys to your bedroom, you should be prepared
to deal with just about anything, including feelings of
inadequacy, emotional discomfort and ignorance. You probably won't
know your lover's sex toy reservations until you talk to him or
her, but we can help you formulate your responses to some common
misconceptions.
Myth #1: Sex toys are for perverts, weirdoes, sluts or
freaks.
All kinds of people use sex toys,
including people most would consider perfectly normal. Yes,
perverts, weirdos, sluts and freaks use sex toys, but so do
doctors, lawyers, housewives, teachers, accountants, bus drivers,
secretaries ... and just about anyone else you can think of. Using
a sex toy doesn't make you "weird." It just makes you feel really
good! If your partner has this fear, suggest that he or she talk
to his or her friends about it, or do some Internet research on
the subject. Your lover might be surprised by how common sex toy
usage can be.
Myth #2: Sex toys are just for masturbation.
While sex toys are commonly used for
solo sex, many couples enjoy using sex toys together, regardless
of their gender or sexual orientation. It doesn't mean there's
anything wrong with your relationship—quite the opposite. Usually
the kinds of people who are comfortable trying new things together
are open-minded, intimate, comfortable and trusting. Using a sex
toy together is a good way to reaffirm the strength of your
relationship. If your lover has this concern, try giving him or
her a book on using sex toys to add excitement to your
partnership. There's lots of them!
Myth #3: Your partner will feel inadequate if you use a
sex toy.
Many people express concern that
bringing a sex toy into their relationship will hurt their
partner's feelings. It's understandable: a huge, vibrating penis
that brings you to climax every time? Who wouldn't be jealous?
Seriously, a sex toy can give you an orgasm, but it can't cuddle
with you afterwards. Sex toys will never replace live humans. If
your lover has this fear, be sensitive and stroke his or her ego a
little bit. As with most relationship issues, good communication
can go a long way to solving the problem.
Myth #4: Using sex toys can be physically dangerous.
Absolutely untrue! In fact, sex toys can
have very positive effects on your sexual health. For example,
menopausal women can use dildos to maintain vaginal tone, staving
off incontinence and other sexual health issues. Many doctors and
therapists recommend sex toys to women who have trouble reaching
orgasm. And finally, a healthy relationship with your body is
beneficial to your overall health. Using sex toys heightens your
awareness of your body and its functions, making you more alert to
abnormalities such as bumps, lumps or abrasions. If your partner
is worried about physical dangers, sit down and surf the Net
together. Any sexual or general health site can assuage his or her
fears.
Myth #5: If you use sex toys too much, you won't have an
orgasm with your partner.
We hear that one all the time! Yes, the
earthshaking orgasms produced by a vibrator can be psychologically
addictive, but they don't take the place of a real person. Think
about it: most people have been using their hands to masturbate
since they were young; yet they usually prefer partner sex to solo
sex, don't they? If your partner is afraid you'll replace him or
her with your battery-powered pal, promise him or her that you'll
keep your sex life varied: try different positions, new toys, role
playing and fantasy, both in partner sex and solo sex. Boredom and
repetition often cause bed death.
Myth #6: If your relationship is solid, there's no
reason why you should need a sex toy.
As we've already suggested, using a sex
toy with your lover can actually strengthen your relationship. You
need to have a certain amount of closeness to share this intimate
new experience together. Using a sex toy can be a good affirmation
of that closeness. If your lover doesn't think you need a sex toy
to brighten up your sex life, assure him or her that you don't
need a sex toy either, you'd just like to try one. Again, your
local bookstore has many books on sexual intimacy. Your lover
might be persuaded by one.
Myth #7: Buying sex toys can be really embarrassing.
If you aren't comfortable going to a sex
shop and picking out a dildo, you have lots of other options. You
and your partner can order from a catalog or a website with total
anonymity—in most cases, products are shipped in plain brown
wrappers. |
Using Sex Toys with a
Partner
If you've addressed each of these misconceptions with
your partner and he or she is still apprehensive about using a sex
toy with you, take it slow, be patient and think creatively. Don't
press the issue or you might get an incontrovertible "no"! Flatter
your partner, show him or her how much you enjoy his or her body,
and make the most of your sexual time together. It's possible he
or she isn't ready for that level of intimacy yet, but with time
and effort, your lover might change his or her mind. You can also
try some of the following tricks:
Let your partner watch you masturbate with a sex toy. It may cause
some giggles at first, but it might also break the ice and relieve
your embarrassed partner of any squeamish thoughts about sex toys.
Buy a book or watch a video together —your partner might be
embarrassed to admit he or she doesn't know how sex toys work;
"instructional" materials can often alleviate your partners
functional concerns.
Attend or host a sex toy party with your partner. For a nominal
fee, many stores will send representatives to your party site to
demonstrate and explain a selection of toys for you and your
guests ... think Tupperware party with a different kind of plastic
product. These parties can be a fun, painless way to introduce sex
toys into your life—especially if there's alcohol involved!
Once you are able to bring the toy into the relationship, remember
a few basic commonsense tips.
Start slow.
Save the double dong or strap-on dildo for future
encounters. Try a nice, simple rocket vibrator. Once your
sweetie is used to the vibe, you can trade up.
Be gentle. Your partner
may like it on the rough side, but hold back a little the
first few times you play with toys. There's plenty of time
to accelerate!
Talk to your partner. He
or she may have agreed to use the toy, but that doesn't mean
your lover is 100% comfortable with the idea. Talk your way
through the experience. Ask your partner if what you are
doing together feels good. If it doesn't, try something
else.
Use lubrication. Sex
toys need lots of lube to slip and slide the way they
should. The last thing your girlfriend needs to worry about
is whether she's wet enough to enjoy herself. Similarly, you
don't want to risk injury to male or female partners by
inserting something into a dry orifice. Keep a bottle of
lube handy and use it.
Be flexible. The toy
you've selected might turn out to be totally wrong for your
sexual personalities. That's okay. Put it aside and try
something different.
Be patient. Your partner
may agree to play with the toy, and then change his or her
mind midway through the experience. That's his or her
prerogative. Be patient and try again another time. It might
take awhile, but it will be worth the wait. |
The important thing to remember is that your relationship
is a partnership, which implies that both of you are in this
together. You make the decision together; you select the toy
together, and you experiment together. If your lover feels as
though he or she can trust you, things will go much better for you
and your toy; sharing the experience goes a long way to promoting
that trust.
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